


stay, please

by wlw_induced_heart_attacks



Category: She-Ra and the Princesses of Power (2018)
Genre: Angst, Catra (She-Ra) Needs a Hug, Chipped Catra (She-Ra), F/F, Hurt/Comfort, POV Catra (She-Ra), woo emotional damage-
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-19
Updated: 2020-12-31
Packaged: 2021-03-10 20:41:56
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 3,520
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28163364
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wlw_induced_heart_attacks/pseuds/wlw_induced_heart_attacks
Summary: Catra's POV of Save the Cat and Taking Control. I found it interesting what was going on inside her head, and this was what I'd imagined it as.
Relationships: Adora & Catra (She-Ra), Adora/Catra (She-Ra)
Comments: 12
Kudos: 56





	1. Chapter 1

Catra was floating in herself.

She could feel the iron around her wrists, her hair as it was cut away, her clothes as they were stripped, but could do nothing. Catra tried opening her mouth to scream, but to no avail. The only action on her body that belonged to her was the thrashing the chains tried to prevent, but even that was instinct. Reflexes. Not Catra. 

_Not Catra, not Catra, not Catra, not Catra._

The chip stabbed into her neck as her body threw itself against the bed. Catra muffled a scream before realising: she didn’t have to. Panic rose in her, sharp and pervasive, somehow even worse now that her body was cut from her. She tried to move – a finger, an ear, an eyelid; it didn’t matter. She had to still have _some_ level of control over herself, right? She _had to._

She didn’t.

Catra’s thoughts began to change. 

_Little sister, little sister, little sister, little sister._

_I am_ not _your_ _little sister_ _!_

_Oh, but you will be._

Pain stabbed through her neck, her spine, her brain, aching for the release her body would not grant her. Catra wanted to scream; she wanted to thrash and yell and lash out. But she couldn’t. Not even tears were granted to her. In her own body. The helplessness and intrusiveness was almost worse than the agony. 

And then, mercifully, silence. 

* * *

A girl stood between her and Lord Prime. The girl seemed distressed. She can’t imagine why. Being in the presence of Lord Prime was an honour reserved for few. 

She opened her mouth, pushed air through her lips, formed words whose meaning slipped away like ash. That seemed to galvanize the girl, who ran for her before being stopped by two of Lord Prime’s guards. 

She prostrated herself in front of Lord Prime. A conversation seemed to be happening, one that she was part of, but she was too perplexed to take note of it. Who was this girl, walking into Lord Prime’s chamber, whose presence seemed to amuse and aggravate him in equal parts? And why does she feel like she knows her face? 

She was walking towards the girl now. The proximity to the girl only worsened the pressure on her mind, giving her a sense of realisation without any explanation that was painful. 

She averted her eyes. 

Suddenly, Lord Prime’s hand was on her shoulder. She should be glad, rejoicing. But something about this figure changed something inside her, and she felt nothing but cold hard dread. A sense of uncleanliness and loss permeated her mind. She will tell Lord Prime of this after immediately. He will cleanse her of this impurity 

She focused the girl’s fac- 

_Adora! What’s Adora doing here?_

Catra broke free, staring at the girl whose face haunted her as she paced these hollow corridors, the girl who she called out to as she was chipped. 

The girl, before her with a look of anguish, _standing on Prime’s ship._

Catra wanted to laugh, laugh until she seemed as unhinged as she felt. Never mind that that this is the ship of an alien space conqueror. Never mind Adora wasn’t even She-Ra anymore. Never mind that Catra specifically _told her to stay away._ Nope, Adora is right here. Soft, squishy. Practically asking to be chipped. 

And then they were alone. 

Her vision began to flicker as Prime slipped back into her mind. Catra was aware, barely, of words moving through her mouth, of bursts of pain, of impacts on her fists. And Catra was really, honestly, relieved. The starkest image she remembered from the fight was Adora’s horrified face each time she landed a hit, and Adora was pulling her punches. Prime wasn’t, and Catra doesn’t ever want to know the feeling of her claws hitting Adora’s flesh. 

Pain clawed through her spine, and she was suddenly seized by terror. 

_It was happening again – it was_ _-_

Catra opened her eyes to see Adora holding her, and she wasn’t sure whether to laugh or cry. This idiot, this _beautiful_ idiot is here. To rescue her. 

“Adora- you should’ve stayed _away_. Why did you come back? We both know I don’t matter.” Catra's voice sounded brittle even to her own ears. 

_All I do is hurt people. There’s no one left in the entire universe that cares about me._

Adora cupped her hand around Catra’s face, and suddenly, three years’ worth of loneliness and grief flashed through her in a moment, burning a hole in her chest. “You matter to _me._ ” 

A laugh huffed out of her chest. She closed her eyes for a moment, letting it all overwhelm her, let the loneliness and hurt scorch a deep hole in her chest, let Adora’s touch fill it with something other than emptiness. Catra exhaled all the dark, pent up anger and hurt, and reached out for Ador- 

Her hand cracked across Adora’s face, and Prime could've brushed a fleck of dust on Adora’s face, for all Adora seemed to care. Catra felt sick, felt sick that she was doing this _again,_ even against her will, to the one person in the universe that cared about her, to the person she loved above everybody else. _Again._

 _You drive them away, wildcat._

_Again, and again, and_ again. 

_The only thing you’re good for is to hurt._ _Hurt_ _Scorpia_ _, hurt_ _Entrapta_ _, hurt Adora._ Of course _Adora left._ _Of course s_ _he was sick and tired of-_

“ _C’mon_ , Catra,” Adora’s voice was desperate, bare. “You’ve never listened to anyone in your _life!_ Are you really going to start now?” 

Memories flashed through her mind, fading fragments of happiness stolen between Shadow Weaver’s abuse, and the harsh reality of the Fright Zone. Curling beside Adora. Laughing so hard they couldn’t breathe. Looking at Adora and wondering how such a _kind_ person landed here, in this place with all its hard edges and cold surfaces. 

Catra loved Adora _so much_ it hurt. 

She laughed. “You’re _such_ an idiot.” 

“Yeah. I know!” The raw hope in Adora’s voice broke her heart. Catra laughed again, and Prime tried forcing his way in. Her laugh changed to his, malevolent and low. 

Adora reached for her. “I’m going to take you home!” 

Catra dug her claws into her shoulders and bowed her head, trying all she could to keep Prime from taking over again. Home. Etheria. 

_Adora._

Her voice was a thread. “Promise?” 

“I promise!” 

“Adora,” she whispered, and reached out for her. Only- 

Pain spiked across her hand, her arm, and, at last _,_ Prime was in control again. 

Distantly, Catra heard herself say, “Disappointing. Some creatures are destined only for destruction.” 

An electric shock stabbed the back of her neck, ripping through her chest and her numb fingers. Catra’s legs gave out, and she was falling. Her vision faded to black before the impact. 

* * *

The next thing she knew, she was on a ship, and Adora, Adora was holding her. 

Catra managed a weak smile. “Hey, Adora.” 

The relief on Adora’s face almost made it all worth it. 

“Catra,” Adora whispered, and hugged her close. 

Adora clung to her, and she clung to Adora. The world is a mess, but right now, they had each other. 

And for right now, it was enough. 


	2. Chapter 2

Catra couldn’t sleep. Her eyes threatened to close, and she _couldn’t_ keep them open, but any time she started to drift off, there would be a pair of green eyes. Waiting for her. 

_Little sister._

Thank god she was an only child, because otherwise, she may have to avoid her sibling for the rest of her life. 

Guilt and shame bound Catra to the bed. On Prime’s ship, the sheer hope had put blinders on her eyes. Catra saw only that Adora had come back for her. _Adora._ Despite everything. 

Now? Catra was on this First One’s ship, alone with her thoughts again. The only thing she could think about is Adora. Her friends. How _awfully_ Catra’d treated each last one of them. How she’d pushed Bow off a cliff. How she was responsible for Angella’s death and Glimmer’s torture. 

And Adora. Treated the cruellest of all of them. 

Catra curled into a ball, trying to escape the pain and panic stabbing at her chest. Tears streamed down her face. 

She had been so _furious_ at Adora. For leaving the Horde. Leaving her for two people Adora barely knew. Like Catra meant nothing to her. Like it was _easy_. 

But it was, wasn’t it? Catra could’ve left at any time. She hated the Horde. Hated Shadow Weaver and her manipulation. Hated its cold atmosphere and sharp edges. Hated how she felt like she was teetering at knife’s edge at any given moment. How she was always one mistake from permanent disgrace, even with how much she’d done. 

Adora had offered her an out. Over and over and _over_ again. Every time Adora saw her, she offered. Catra had spurned her every time. 

_Why did she?_

Catra huddled herself close, regret aching deep in her marrow. She wished she could claw her skin off, free herself from this body. She wished she could tear this reality to shreds: start over and do everything _right_ _._

She couldn’t. 

Why didn’t Adora hate her? Catra had hurt her, time and time again. She let Adora fall, when even when they were fighting, Adora caught her. She was responsible for _so much._ For the portal, for hurting Scorpia and Entrapta, for the deterioration of the only close friendships Adora had left when Catra severed hers. 

Adora had to hate her, didn’t she? Adora hated her. 

_Little sister._

Clone pods. Hands on her shoulders. Green fluid lapping at her chest. 

_Catra..._

She screamed, bolting straight up. The door hissed open, and for a second, all Catra could see was a pale figure cloaked in a bright light. She screamed again. 

“Hey! Hey, it’s just me.” 

Catra took a deep breath. Adora. 

She rolled onto her side, trying to block Adora out. Not here. Not now. She wasn’t ready to face Adora. She _can’t-_

Adora’s presence beside her. “Are you still getting the flashes?” 

_Not here. Not_ now _-_

“Yes, I keep having this horrible vision of a blonde girl who thinks she’s better than everyone, _barging_ into my room all day.” Catra glared at Adora. “Oh wait.” 

Adora made a frustrated noise, but stopped herself. “We’ll find a way to get the chip off, okay?” The hopeful, reassuring tone of her voice needled Catra. Why did she care? Really, why did she care? Why couldn’t Adora just drop this façade and just tell Catra what she wanted from her? She grabbed a pillow and muffled it over her face. Any more of this, and Catra was going to snap. “If you’d just let Entrapta take a look at the it, I bet she could-” 

_Entrapta_ _. Beast Island. A stun gun in her hand._

“I _don’t_ want to see anyone, okay? Not you, not Arrow Boy, or Sparkles, and _definitely_ not Entrapta.” 

_Please, please,_ please _just leave. Please-_

Adora pulled the pillow from Catra's face. She turned away. “So you’re just going to hide in here forever?” Disbelief coloured Adora’s voice. “You’ll have to face them some time.” 

_Stop._

The words were a red flag to a bull. “No, I don’t. Just- Drop me off on the closest planet. I’ll make my own way.” 

_I’ve been doing just fine on my own. No thanks to you._

An angry laugh ripped out of Adora’s chest. “What, so Horde Prime can capture you again?” 

_Stop._

Some distant part of her was screaming at her to stop. That this is dangerous. That she was _this_ close to lashing out, to hurting Adora _again._

It was a piece of fabric trying to stop a train. “I. Can take care of _m_ _yself_.” 

Adora’s eyes flashing. A swirl of fabric. Suddenly, Catra was on the ground, pain spiking from her elbows. “I promised I’d take you home, and that’s exactly what I’m going to do.” Catra recoiled as Adora paced closer. “Why are you acting like this? We saved your life!” 

_Too late._

All the frustration exploded, seeking out only to hurt. “I _to_ _ld_ you not to come back! ” Catra was standing up now, facing Adora. “But you just love feeling like a _hero,_ don’t you?”

 _Why did you_ _come_ _back_ _? I did this to save_ you. _Why?_

Adora looked incredulous. “You’d rather I left you there to die?” 

“ _Why do you care! I know you all hate me!_ ” 

That was it, wasn’t it? Out of all the choices she could’ve made, why did Adora choose the astronomically stupid one of rescuing her? Why did Adora care about her still? 

If Catra’d knew earlier, would they still be in a situation as awful as this? 

“I never hated you!” 

And there it was. The words she’d been aching for all along. The words she almost destroyed the world to hear. 

Catra closed her eyes and felt the anger drain out of her. She felt hollowed out, cold. The driving force behind so many of her actions was gone, leaving her stranded in the middle of an ocean with no compass.

“Then you’re even dumber than I thought. Just...” She sighed, defeated. “Leave me alone.” 

Adora made a frustrated, angry sound. “I’m _such_ an idiot.” 

Catra’d winced at that. Her own words thrown back at her. 

_You deserved it._

“I thought things would be different this time, but clearly, _nothing_ has changed.” 

Each word was like a knife in Catra’s stomach. Now that the rage that filled her bones had bled off, she wanted to reach out, apologise. But Adora walked out, likely for good this time, leaving Catra an empty husk filled only with regret. 


	3. Chapter 3

Catra heard Adora’s footsteps long before Adora arrived. Guilt chewed at her heart; she didn’t know how to- _couldn’t_ face Adora now, but Adora only knocked. 

“Catra?” Then, quieter. “You awake?” 

No response. Catra heard Adora’s sigh and a sliding sound. She pictured Adora dropping to a sit, bracing herself against the door. 

"Look, I- I just want to apologise." A grinding noise. Adora was probably kneading her knuckles into the floor. It was a running gag that Adora'll wear out her hands before age twenty-three. "I still stand by most of what I said, but I lost my temper. I shouldn't have. I'm sorry" 

_I’m sorry too,_ Catra wanted to say. She had so much more to apologise for, and this just made the guilt worse. Catra acted purposefully aggravating. Adora had nothing to say sorry for, yet here she is. Apologising. 

Adora was such a _good person_. 

Catra tried to form the words she wanted so much to say, but her throat closed. Too soon, the moment passed. 

Adora exhaled. Something knocked against the door, and Catra pictured Adora tipping her head back, an exhausted look on her face. “You know, when Glimmer told me that you saved her, said-said that you said you did it for me, I just – _completely –_ I was.” She heard Adora take a deep breath, let it go. 

Adora was quiet for a few long seconds. 

“You know, I never gave up on you.” Adora’s voice was soft. “You hurt us – _me –_ so many times, yes, but-” Adora sighed again, and Catra imagined her drawing her legs to her chest. “I saw you. I saw you lashing out because Shadow Weaver left. Because _I_ left. Even if I wouldn’t have chosen any different, I still saw how hurt you were. And I just couldn’t help hoping. Maybe one day-” 

Adora’s voice was barely a ghosts’; muffled for a second, like she buried her face in her knees. “Maybe one day.”

Catra slid silently off her bed, moving to press her forehead against the door. She wanted throw open the door and hug Adora to her chest. Catra wanted to be _better._ She wanted to become the person that Adora sees, the one Adora deserves. Her hand hovered over the door handle. She hurt Adora, Entrapta, all of them, but maybe, _maybe,_ she could-

A strange, uneven laugh tore from Adora. “Of course, you’re probably asleep. I’m just talking to myself here, aren’t I?” Adora laughed unsteadily. 

A thud, like Adora pressed her forehead to the door. "I'll leave you alone, Catra." Her breath against the steel door was a strange, rasping sound. "Sleep well"

There was a sigh and fading footsteps, leaving Catra alone with this pain in her chest she couldn’t make disappear no matter what. 


	4. Chapter 4

_Green eyes. A familiar voice. Metal latched on soft tissue._

Catra bolted up, panting, trying to shake off the phantom insects crawling over her skin. It took until her claws drew blood that Catra realised she was scratching at her neck.

Suddenly, familiar footsteps approached the door. Hope and anticipation blasted her mind clear of the fog of the vision, tangling the words inside her mouth. Adora was back. Maybe their relationship wasn’t yet unamendable-

“ _What is she doing here?_ ”

Catra was backed against the wall before she realised she was moving. Her limbs shook uncontrollably.

_No, no no no no no. Not Entrapta. Not Entrapta. She can’t-_

“I told you, I want to be alone!”

The whole situation had sheen of unreality to it. Catra had been waiting here. For Adora. And it was happening like this. Spinning out of Catra’s control.

“Entrapta’s going to remove your chip.” Adora’s voice was cold, and Catra shrivelled up inside even more.

“You’re going to let her operate on me? She’ll kill me!”

The words came from her subconscious and sank deep into Catra’s marrow. Of course she would. Catra betrayed Entrapta. Electrocuted her. Sent her to Beast Island to die. Why wouldn’t Entrapta want revenge? Catra would.

But Entrapta simply looked puzzled. “Why would I want to hurt you?” She paused like she just remembered. “Oh, you mean because you sent me to Beast Island, stole my work, and used it to rip a hole in the fabric of space and time? I get it.”

Steel blades flashed from Entrapta’s hair. “Hold still!”

_Insolent child._

“ _Stay away from me!_ ” Catra screamed. She was scrambling. All of a sudden, there was one thing, one thing in her attention, and that is those knives. Catra’s breath came in shallow pants. She flattened her ears against her head.

Adora stalked towards Catra, eyes blazing. There was something high-strung about the way Adora moved, like in Catra, in the moments she’d set off the bomb.“Catra, Horde Prime is tracking that chip. He’s coming for us right now.” Adora’s voice became deadly. “So grow up and let us remove it, or we’re all dead.”

Catra withered under Adora’s glare, her heart sinking further. How that was possible, Catra didn’t know. Everything, just sinking and sinking and _sinking._ How could there ever be even further to go? Why did it always circle back to this? The gulf in her stomach widened. Was this the only existence Catra was allotted to be? An angry, guilty mess, doomed to hurt everyone around her?

Adora wasn’t done yet. “We’re doing this! Then, if you think _hiding_ from the people you hurt will make you feel better, we’ll drop you off and you’ll never have to see us again.” Adora’s face worked, and Catra suddenly saw a deep anguish twist in Adora’s gut. Adora took a breath, her voice flat. “You’ll never have to see me again.”

And in that moment, everything stood still, the cycle that informed so much of her choices almost subsiding. Catra couldn’t hide anymore. The choice was placed clear in front of her in a stupid, golden, _inconvenient_ platter.

For once in so long, it was Catra’s own choice. No sickly-sweet voice moving her hands. No tumbling of a wheel carrying the choice for her. Standing alone with no one holding her cards with her, she almost felt lost.

Catra could take the known route. The _easy_ route. The results of which she knew like the back of her hand. Pushing everyone away. Like she’s always done

Or, she could choose to break the wheel. Choose the unknown. What she knew nothing about but wanted desperately to try.

For a second, she was tempted. Tempted to lean into the momentum of the cycle, say the hurtful words that came so easily to her now. Indulge in her anger and burn the world down to warm her sunken bones.

But she’d went down that path, and, ultimately, the only thing burnt was her.

“Adora wait. _Please._ ” Catra’s grip on Adora’s hand was a lifeline, oxygen after years in the suffocating dark, shining through the years of opaque loneliness. She yearned for Adora’s arms around her, to bury her head in Adora’s shoulders, and for once, she let herself. Catra may not deserve it, deserve Adora, her forgiveness, but she was going to _try._ She was going to work for it. And maybe, one day, she will.

_You look out for me, and I look out for you. Nothing_ really _bad can happen, as long as we have each other._

“Stay.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not sure about how this turned out, exactly, but hey.


End file.
